I've been a mother of one (yes, one child), to a bright and beautiful daughter, for ten years. In all that time, I've heard countless of unsolicited (and mostly, irritating) comments and advice on why I should have another child. I'm currently pregnant, in the first trimester, with our second child. That said, I decided to write a post about the things told to me over the years for having an only child.
First off, having an only child was a matter of choice for me and my husband. We talked about it a few years ago and we were both in agreement that one is enough for us. People, however, don't seem to understand that and can't accept it. No matter how much I tried to explain the reason for us having an only child, it seems like I'm doing something wrong personally for not considering having a second child.
These are the things said to me by people over the years:
1) It's pitiful that my daughter is an only child.
One of the most common thing said to me by people. Most of the time, I kinda ignore this one because I know for a fact this isn't true. While my daughter doesn't have a sibling to play with, she's mostly content in her life. She's not anti-social, she has friends in school she enjoys spending time with. At home, she knows how to entertain herself and she does it well. In some ways, she's just like me in that she's content to just be by herself. When she was younger, we visited relatives so she can play with her cousins or went to the park. Now that she's in grade school, if she really wants to, she asks permission to go to a friend's/classmate's house to spend time with or will set up a movie date with one of her best friends at the mall with me as a chaperone. She also has a dog that she loves to hang out with.
2) What if something happens in the future (to me and my husband) and she won't have anyone to rely on?
This is the most common 'what if' questions of all time, I think and one that doesn't only relate to having another child. But for the purpose of this post, it's related to having another child. I, myself have a sibling, an older brother. Having said that and despite the fact that we are only two years apart in age, we're not that close. It's just the way it is.
My husband, on the other hand, has more siblings than I and they're really close. So if worse comes to worst, my daughter will have a support system from her father's side of the family for sure.
3) You should have one more child or two.
This is in relation to number one. It's like for a mother with only one child, this is a crime. That a woman, in general, should want lots of children. And for me, having an only child for so long, there is something wrong with me. Again, this was a matter of choice for me. It should be respected, not questioned.
4) You're not getting any younger and your daughter's growing older.
Does this mean I should be rushing to conceive a child, because of age? What does age have to do with having another child? It's just such a slap in the face to be told about one's biological clock, you know. It is easy for people to say, go and have another child. Are they willing to shoulder the financial burden of raising my 'hypothetical child'? Of course not. I tried explaining countless of times, that it's more important for me to be able to raise and provide better for one child than to raise several children and end up unable to provide them the basic things that they need. The response I get? No matter, you should have another child or two. Yeah, right!
5) You don't want to have another child?
Now, this is quite a loaded question. And the one that I have a hard time explaining to people because no matter what I say to explain, they just brush off my explanations and insists that I should have another one soon.
I have a hard time conceiving with my daughter. Getting knocked up is not as easy for me than it is for other women. Also, it was quite a difficult pregnancy due to some factors. The one who felt all of that was me, not my husband and certainly not by the people who keeps telling me to have another child. Carrying a child is hard enough because of the toil it takes on a woman's body but when other things are added to make it more difficult, let's just say it was really, really hard for me. So forgive me, if I'm hesitant to go through all of that painful process again.
I don't have anything against other couples who have lots of kids. It works for them and they're happy so who am I to judge. I don't hold it against other couples who also have one child like me. The important thing is that the child is happy, well-cared for and loved.
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